ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
