They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
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