Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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