Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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