The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's always time for handjobs
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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