did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
