Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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