During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
