Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
