I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
