I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
