Jerry, you need to find god
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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