You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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