You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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