Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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