omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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