I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize