I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
