I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
