So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
