Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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