just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
