so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
