I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
