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So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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