Got a toothbrush?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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