Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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