I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
