you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize