I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
