problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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