I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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