Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
