If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
