I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
