Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
