I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
