hell yes lets make some ravioli
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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