i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
