i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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