Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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