I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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