I am puke
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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