handjob tips. give me some.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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