Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
