sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
