so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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