I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
