dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just found puke in my bra..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
