i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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