The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
