If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
