I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
