Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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