I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
