What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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