Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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