They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
