No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
