i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
