hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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