Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
