my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
