he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
