If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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