Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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