Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
whose parrot is this?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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