I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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