Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
