youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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