today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
