he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
