youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
