heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
