I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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