We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
