Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
