Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
