my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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