I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
