somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
