I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
