I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
