i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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