So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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