why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
