I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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