in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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