got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
40s are totally the cure
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
