No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
