well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize