Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
