What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
