i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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