omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
