Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize