the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
