I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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