i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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