Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
