You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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