I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
