Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
